


Don't WINK

by TheLittleLady



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Gen, One Shot, for the lols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 07:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14491860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleLady/pseuds/TheLittleLady
Summary: Three robots are out in space in search of the Space Giant. They have never travelled in space before, and obviously disaster befalls them.Who do you suppose might turn up at this point?The one shot crossover no one asked for.(Features the 13th Doctor).





	Don't WINK

What the spaceship looks like from the inside is not important.

The steering wheel was on fire, and red lights were flashing. That _is_ important.

“I don't even know how, T’Spine!” Rabbit cried as she tried to beat the flames with her jacket, which only served to make them crackle harder, “the steering wheel's on fire, can we come back to whose fault it is _later_?!”

The control board popped and sparked, marking the demise of ants who had got into the instruments.

“No one told me _not_ to bring ants!” wailed Hatchworth.

 _WARNING_ , cooed a soothing automated voice, _ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY FAILED._

Everyone drifted slowly off the floor.

WINK the spaceship began to slowly tilt under the gravitational tug of a nearby planet.

The Spine was having his own problems. They were falling through an asteroid belt, and so far seven holes had been punctured in the wall. He was quickly running out of spare appendages to plug the holes, and his right leg was up about 4 foot off the floor.

With no one to steer her, WINK steadily began to fall to the planet below.

A hovering toaster ejected a heated bagel, and the recoil sent it slowly and surely twirling towards a big red button marked “air lock”.

Rabbit gasped dramatically, “Jenny II!! Nooo!!!”

 _WARNING_ . _PLANETARY IMPACT IMMINENT. TOTAL ANNIHILATION IN 10… 9… 8…_

The robots screamed in unison while doing nothing of value.

_5… 4…_

Although The Spine's scream was somewhat muted, given that he'd just plugged the eighth hole with his tongue.

_3… 2…_

 

_…_

 

_CRISIS AVERTED. THANK YOU FOR FLYING WITH WALTER ROBOTICS._

“Right!” called a woman with short blonde hair and a sharp suit as she floated away from the no-longer-burning steering wheel, “Step one, stable orbit. The TARDIS has an extended atmosphere, so don't worry about the holes in the ship. Step two, fix the gravity.”

She aimed something at the control panel which glowed blue and emitted a whirring noise. Everything, robots and toasters included, clattered loudly to the floor - except for the woman, who landed deftly on her feet.

“Step three, get Mr Shiny out of my TARDIS…”

Rabbit and Hatchworth stared at her silently as she jogged across the room, where a large blue police box had just materialised where The Spine had been clinging to the wall. She just reached the doors when they crashed open, The Spine emerging with a face like he'd just seen a ghost.

“Oi!” The woman stopped where she stood, and pointed a threatening finger at The Spine, “Don't slam those! They're not replaceable!”

As The Spine stumbled deliriously out of the box, the woman clapped her hands smartly and spun about on her foot to address the other two.

“Step four, ants. Do either of you have a hoover?”

She waited for a response, during which Rabbit and Hatchworth stared at her open-mouthed, and The Spine turned around to see what he had just come out of. He frowned.

“Who the hell are you?” Rabbit managed eventually.

The woman grinned, in a way that somehow managed to be comforting and threatening at the same time.

“I’m The Doctor,” she said simply.

Rabbit and Hatchworth continued to watch her in shocked silence, as The Spine walked wobbily around to the side of the police box and looked at it from the other side. He frowned again, and knocked on the side.

Hatchworth raised an uncertain hand and pointed. “That’s The Spine.”

“I like a good title,” The Doctor agreed, “although I think I prefer Mr Shiny. Have you got a hoover, Mustache of Wonder?”

“Hatchworth,” corrected Rabbit, as Hatchworth popped open his hatch and pulled out a vacuum cleaner while never quite taking his eyes off The Doctor.

The Spine walked around the other side of the police box, and then crossed his arms.

“Ooh, that’s a neat trick,” The Doctor grinned to Hatchworth, “now take that and shove it in your control system. I’d estimate you’ve still got about 40 ants to clear out of that thing.”

“‘s bigger on the inside,” The Spine finally muttered.

“Well done, Shiny. Now if you hadn’t noticed, you’ve got a Gerfolaxx on your tail and you might want to steer this ship out of danger.”

“A Gerfolaxx,” Rabbit repeated flatly as The Doctor ran past her again and pointed the blue-whirry thing at the control panel, at which point WINK jolted under the shock of a sudden speed boost. "Is that blue matter?"

“This? No, sonic screwdriver. And yes, a Gerfolaxx. Big rotter. Chasing you through space. Might not have noticed him.” The Doctor grabbed hold of the steering wheel, and began turning it with fervour to pull them out of the planet’s orbit. If any of them had been looking out the window, they might’ve noticed the green glow of the giant apple they’d nearly crashed into.

“You mean the Space Giant?”

“I could see you calling him that, yes.”

“Well turn us around! We’re trying to talk to him!”

“Oh!” The Doctor managed a one-ninety-degree turn of the ship, and ground it to a halt, “why didn’t you say so? He’s over there.”

She pointed into the distance, where something far away and small and blue was rapidly becoming something rather closer and enormous. And still blue.

But Rabbit hadn’t managed to take her eyes off The Doctor yet, as The Spine continued to step in and out of the police box in confusion, and Hatchworth was sticking the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner into any gaps in the control panel he could find.

“What… who… how did you get on our ship?!”

“TARDIS. She’s my ship,” The Doctor pointed at the police box as she explained, “There’s not a lot of places I can’t get to. Are you going to talk to to the Gerfolaxx anytime soon?”

“Yeah, just… we’ll come back to that. You’ve come across other Space Giants before?”

“Yes…” The Doctor mused, leaning against the steering wheel as the Something Rather Closer got Really Very Close Indeed, “not very often. Saw one maybe a hundred years ago.”

“A hund- you must be nearly as old as I am!” Rabbit exclaimed with eyes wide.

“Never ask a lady her age,” The Doctor said primly.

“Well, I’m 119 years old,” Rabbit countered proudly, stretching out her neck.

The Doctor smiled knowingly.

“That’s cute.”

*****


End file.
